I hope this first blog entry loaded ok for you - I've heard from some nerds that when hundreds of people flock to look at the same webpage, it runs slow.
My first blog. That's a lot of fucking pressure, man! I tried to start a blog a couple years ago and wrote a bunch of shit that I thought was hilarious. I showed it to my (now) husband and brother and they just kind of looked at me.
Back to the point. I'd like to start this off with a bang, so here goes!
Vaginas. That's what you think I'm going to write about, isn't it?! Periods, tampons, natural childbirth, shaving your shit into some fucking terrible looking wanna-be triangle - I'm not. Mostly because I've had to hear more than a few male acquaintances bitch about how female comedians only make jokes about their vaginas. Shit's funny, dude. Get with the program. But not today - I'll write a cunt-tastic blog some other time. For now I'd like to write about how hard it is to write a blog post that's worth a shit.
First of all, my mom's the one that keeps saying I need to write. Easier said than done, Candace! Also, my husband would be the first to tell you that my mom thinks I'm waaaay funnier than anyone else thinks I am (he doesn't know shit!). I'm gonna toot my own horn and say that my mom's right. I'm hilarious.
Just kidding. Basically, I think my mom's encouragement comes from the fact that I can tell a decent funny story. Not the fucking same thing as writing a funny story. Sitting around a table, drinking Magnum 40's, smoking a blunt, and telling you about the time I convinced my little brother that our mom was a lesbian is way funnier in person. The same is true for the shit that's in a person's head. You might think it's funny, but people don't really care about the time you shit your pants and had to have your boyfriend throw his Batman boxers into the public bathroom so you could actually leave the rec center without a load in your drawers.
I think part of the reason it's hard to write an intentionally funny blog post is because you can be selective with your audience when you're telling a story - but when you're writing it and you post that shit on Facebook, ANYBODY can read it. Part of trying to be funny is putting shit out there that's offensive, weird, over-the-top, revealing, etc. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is - if you don't like my blog, if it makes you all fucking uptight, then don't read it.
I'm cool if my mom is my only follower. Hi mom!!
